what i find good seams to be no big deal.

I wrote yesterday that it dawned on me that i had been employed 18 years with out a break. I thought this was a feat and something i should be proud of to a point. but from talking to people it seams rather insignificant to people. Why is this? Is it due to the fact that i do not have a job that pays at or above the median income for PA. Lets just say its not even that close i would need to double up what i make for the most part to get there. Is it i have not had the same job or in the same company for the whole 18 years. Or is it just not that big of a deal?
I say its partly due two the first and last reason. Its a big deal to me that i have worked that long because my resume does not scream hire me i am perfect. In fact it barley speaks at all. I do not have anything impressive on there so I just do not stand out. I am average at best. I know some will read this and say that I am being negative. It seams that way because do tend to heavily lean that way but in this case i do not mean it as a negative thing just a fact. I do not have outstanding skills or experience in any job title i have had. I do not have achievements that make me stand out. What i do have and a resume has no real way of showing this is that i will be there no matter how i feel about what I am doing. I show up on time or early. I will stay late if needed. I will not like it and complain about it to loved ones but ill do it. i might not be out there pushing the company forward but I am there to make sure it works. I feel its like sports in a way. there is that guy who can make fancy dunks but regardless of how fancy that dunk is, it is still only worth two points. There is also the guy who scores a bunch of points. I on the other hand am the guy who scores 10 points a game every game day in and day out and when the team wins by ten points it was my ten points that won the game but the star gets all the credit. I am ok with that I am not here to show off. If it were base ball im that guy that gets on base almost every game just to have the star who bats after me hit a home run. I pad his stats. while flying under the radar with the fans and the press. I was the 2nd run in the two run Homer that won the game. I am the guy who lives in the shadow of others. Would i like to step out of that shadow? I guess i would like to have my cliché 15 minutes of fame or moment in the sun. But I know that there needs to be that person or people who back up the star otherwise the star cant shine.
The other reason is that its just not that big of a deal. Most people work from the time they are able to until they retire. Why should I feel special that i have been working more than half my life. I see the point. I may just be looking for something to hold on to so that i can cary on and attempt yet again to begin to move forward. My point in mentioning that i worked for 18 years with no layoffs time off or getting fired is that even though i complain about work I go to work and do what I feel needs to be done. Im not out there to impress people i just want to be able to enjoy the time i have to myself and with my loved ones.
I think one of the things that makes me different form other people is the fact that i try not to hide my emotions. If I am stressing i make it known that I am stressed, the same for anger and fear. I do not repress these thoughts and feelings because I feel that it is not good for you to keep hurt, pain, fear inside. You let them out and then they are gone. they may come back and even at times almost every day they come back but if you push them down and out of the way you are becoming less human in a way. What i mean is if you never show you emotion you start to become robot like.
When my two nephews are angry at each other they make it clear what is going on and either fight or cry or what have you but its out and done rather quickly.
Grown ups don’t do this and i feel its wrong. If we basically said I am mad at you and this is why, things would be better, i feel. I think many wars have started this way. a bunch of rather insignificant (in the big picture) things between two parties build up into a huge problem and it blows up. where as if they were to have just made it clear that xyz are bugging me and talking about it they hold that grudge and more and more annoys each other and then bam big problems.
I would much rather know some one hates me then to have them secretly hate me behind closed doors. That way i can avoid dealing with them or try to figure out why they hate me.
well I am rambling a bit now so more to come later.
peace
JC

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